I must say i have had my bouts of diary writing pretty often as a teenager. Diary writing looked at from a teenager's point of view was for telling his friends how "in touch he was with himself, how mature he was to be able to write with clarity on all subjects that would embarass or entertain. For some of my friends it was a passing phase, for me it stayed. I have diaries of all shapes and sizes into which i have poured and moulded a not so rosy , a not so shiny picture of the person iam. This elongated rendezvous with personal reflection had in its stride the many trials and tribulations involved in writing, maintaining and securing a personal diary. I work on the internet. I live on the internet. It amuses me, arouses me, gets me close to the people i am far away from. My experiment was how would i get closer to myself on the net. Writing mails to myself was not on my agenda. Then one day i saw blogger, and decided to maintain an online half hour talk i have with myself. So here iam ...all innocently poised to pour out the grime, the grease and the gory details of my life's meanderings.
I couldn't and frankly dont care whose reading all this. My immediate requirement was to be able to confront myself on the numerous happenings in my life and figure out an explanation.
My life according to me sucks!! Perhaps iam not putting it the right way. Mebbe, certain things i say, do or perform dont actually pass through my own eyes as acceptable behaviour. I seek to get these unpleasant thoughts, feelings and emotions out in the open....like something i can read and reflect upon on a later date. I want to speak to myself. What do i fear? Well for once..although i feel iam writing to myself and needn't fear about anybody getting to know the real me. I cannot deal with the way my head messes me up after every confession i write in my diary. I hate the need to cover and hide my personal diary everytime i fear its discovery.
Laying bare your own mind....hmmmm!!.
I tried doing that. just 3 words." Iam chicken and it dont work" Oh ! that makes it 6 words.....whatever. I rule in this 3 inch window i breathe here. fear has no place.....cause this is my personal space. Till about now i had imagined that this part of my mind was gonna remain rolled up in the innumerable sheets of reason, argument and beliefs.
See how short lived that thought was. Hope i go on and on.
I couldn't and frankly dont care whose reading all this. My immediate requirement was to be able to confront myself on the numerous happenings in my life and figure out an explanation.
My life according to me sucks!! Perhaps iam not putting it the right way. Mebbe, certain things i say, do or perform dont actually pass through my own eyes as acceptable behaviour. I seek to get these unpleasant thoughts, feelings and emotions out in the open....like something i can read and reflect upon on a later date. I want to speak to myself. What do i fear? Well for once..although i feel iam writing to myself and needn't fear about anybody getting to know the real me. I cannot deal with the way my head messes me up after every confession i write in my diary. I hate the need to cover and hide my personal diary everytime i fear its discovery.
Laying bare your own mind....hmmmm!!.
I tried doing that. just 3 words." Iam chicken and it dont work" Oh ! that makes it 6 words.....whatever. I rule in this 3 inch window i breathe here. fear has no place.....cause this is my personal space. Till about now i had imagined that this part of my mind was gonna remain rolled up in the innumerable sheets of reason, argument and beliefs.
See how short lived that thought was. Hope i go on and on.
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